Welcome to my Monday. Please fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Sudden mood swings, changes of subject and random shrieking may occur. That is sort of how I feel today. The weekend was good and I spent it with family having a chilled time. Sunday night however, fear came crashing back in and I was not all that good. I have my upcoming appointment with the oncologist on Tuesday and for some irrational reason I am nervous. She will probably be telling me about my chemo programme – what to expect, dates etc. This doesn’t fill me with joy. I know I need to do all that is in my power to beat this thing – still the thought of chemo scares me. I am no longer in denial, I have accepted this is the way that I have chosen but that still does nothing to stop the fear. I want to go to bed for 6 months, press a fast forward button and make this all go away. Childish and irrational as that sounds, that is really how I feel.