Six days to go before my first chemo session and I am a bundle of nerves. Last night I hit an all-time low on the emotion scale and could not stop crying. I am learning to be ok with the crying – to be with the sadness and not shrink from it. That way maybe I can let it go. My mom is here for a few days helping me out with my daughter and quite honestly I don’t know what I would have done without her. Sometimes you can’t prepare yourself for the level of helplessness that you feel. The last two days were like that. I was incapable of thinking or doing for myself so mom stepped in. God bless her cotton socks. Today I felt stronger and actually went to work. The doctor (Dr. Handsome) has recommended a pain patch (similar to morphine but not morphine). They are hellishly expensive so not a drug habit I can afford to upkeep for a long time. They’re slow release and you wear the patch for 2 to 3 days. I can already feel an unclenching in my muscles so that’s a good sign. The pain that I was experiencing was in my abdominal area and on a level of about 7 out of 10 although not constant, it would come and go. So on we go – it is a daily choice that I have to make – how shall I feel today and not always under my control. But I feel that I am getting better at it. One day and one step at a time – I am determined to fight this with all that I have and win!