I have been taking some time out from writing to process a few things. The stages of grief or loss which we go through definitely are happening with me but I seem to find myself stuck on repeat on some of the stages. Today grief has attacked me big time. It’s not that anything is different - it’s just a processing of emotions I guess. I have been doing quite a lot of work on emotional healing and release so maybe this is part of that process too. Whatever the cause, I have been feeling spectacularly crappy. So today I called in the cavalry – my dear parents who will stay with me for a little while to help. My pain levels have also increased so I need to get stronger pain meds from the pharmacy today. Dear Dr. Handsome has already sent the script through to them.
My chemo treatment has not yet started but I received a notification from the medical aid to say that 2 cycles are approved and then to re-assess before the 3rd. I have no idea what this means, so am trying to get hold of the oncologist to shed some light on this. While I am not looking forward to doing chemo, I am also tired of being stuck in this nowhere holding pattern.
To update you on the sonar scan I had a little while ago, the findings were that there is a 6cm mass in the pelvic area. They can see no spreading though and could not determine whether it is encroaching on the bladder or not. They were unable to measure against the previous scan as no measurement was taken initially. The good news from that whole hullaballoo is no spreading, so we focus on the positive and try and move forward.
As we speak, my dad is sweeping the yard outside and my mom has just brought me a sandwich for lunch. Love my dear parents, and like my sister says, maybe I need to learn to ask for help a little more.