Journey of Discovery

I am inpatient. Anyone who knows me will know that only too well. Nothing goes fast enough or works efficiently enough for my liking. So imagine my irritation at this hurry up and wait process I am now faced with. I have been diagnosed, now I need to look at all treatment options and make a decision on the best and most sensible way forward. Waiting for feedback, waiting for stats, waiting, waiting. Hate waiting! I know I have to be thorough in my investigation in order to make the best decision – I cannot rush this and maybe therein lies my lesson.

The weekend was good. I celebrated my daughter’s 11^th birthday party with a hippy themed picnic at a wine farm (win win situation!) and then went out to Kalk Bay on Sunday with family. So for the weekend I could let my mind rest and not think about options or disease or treatment plans. Now it’s Monday and the voices in my head are really, really loud.  Not only in my head, but also at the desk across from me in the form of my colleague whinging: You have a blog, what’s the point if you don’t write every day – ok ok, so here I am writing – lol.

Today I am up and down – I want a clear idea of the way forward and I want it now. I need to have a plan. I am a project manager and cannot work without a plan. This feels like chaos and it’s not working for me. I know I need to relax and breathe but it’s much easier said than done. I find myself feeling jealous of random (healthy looking) strangers envying them their careless, care-free existences. I watched a movie last night about a dying girl – probably not the best choice in my current state of mind, but it was interesting and moving.

Back to work now – it takes my mind off thinking and fretting.